Ewa:

What does it really mean to be a mother?

I mean, now I know—we had no idea, right? Let’s face it.

Sometimes I meet women who are mothers-to-be or are just considering motherhood

and when I hear what they have to say, I’m like,

“Oh my God, that sounds like me years ago. They have no idea what you’re getting themselves into.”

Julia:

But even if you told them what to expect or what’s coming for them…

You still don’t get it—until you go through pregnancy, giving birth, having a baby, and raising a toddler.

Yeah, you just have to go with it. You don’t get it beforehand.

Ewa:

That’s true. It’s better to dive into it yourself.

Because no matter how much you prepare…

I thought I was so ready—I read all the books, did the prep courses… and then the shit hits the fan.

And you’re like—what the hell just happened?

Julia:

It was actually different for us. You always read a lot, you loved getting informed through books.

I read a lot about pregnancy and babies and toddlers…

but then I decided—I don’t want to read anything anymore.

I just wanted to follow my gut.

So I stopped early.

Ewa:

I kept reading, but honestly, none of those books really spoke to me.

You know what I mean? There’s all this data and resources—books, articles—about motherhood and womanhood, but I was deeply disappointed.

The kind of information you actually receive…It felt like, “Okay, this is supposed to help get me through pregnancy, childbirth, and beyond,”

but most of the content stopped at birth. Literally nothing prepares you for what comes after.

Julia:

Exactly.

Ewa:

And the biggest challenges come after.

I didn’t even know breastfeeding would be that hard.

I mean, you’ve got two boobs, and everyone says, “You’ll know what to do—it’s your body.”

Julia:

Because you’re a woman, right?

Ewa:

Exactly. But just because I have a uterus doesn’t make me a great mom.

Just because I have boobs doesn’t mean I’ll be good at breastfeeding, or that my baby will magically know what to do.

I remember when Ida was about one year old—it was summer.

I saw you sitting there with your baby, and I was speechless.

We were outside, next to that brewery near your old apartment.

You were just sitting there, holding this tiny human, and it felt so surreal.

You were so relaxed, just like, “Yeah, it’s kind of working,” and I was like—

What is happening?!

I don’t know if you remember, but I wasn’t saying much that day because I was so confused.

I don’t know what I was expecting, but seeing you both so happy and calm…

That baby just chilling in your arms… I thought:

Maybe I’ve been looking at this whole thing the wrong way.

Julia:

You had all these questions, like:

“How is your life now?”

“Can you still do the same things as before?”

“What’s different?”

Ewa:

And I think you didn’t sugarcoat it.

Julia:

No, I told you straight—

You can’t do the same things anymore. At least not for a long time.

It changes everything.

I always said, “I’m still the same person, but I have to do different things now.”

And I couldn’t keep up with the things I used to do before.

My whole world was this baby—becoming a mother.

Being at home for the first time…

And I really loved my job.

At that time, I was still working as a nurse at the hospital, and I missed it.

It was difficult.

Also, going out with friends, I knew it would change, but when it really happens…

It feels different.

Ewa:

Yeah, I remember asking you,

“Do you think I can keep up with my career like this?”

And you said:

Julia:

“Probably not. Probably not like this.”

Ewa:

If I could sum up those first four years of motherhood, I’d say:

It’s pure survival mode.

Julia:

Yes.

Ewa:

I swear, no matter how good things are—

Even on a good day or a good week—

You’re still juggling so much.

And it’s insane.

You just keep doing it over and over again.

Sometimes after a really hard week, you finally get your child to bed…

You read her a story, you kiss her goodnight…

Even if she had the worst tantrum—

Even if you had the worst day—

Somehow, you pulled it all together.

You kiss her forehead and then…

Ahhh…

I’m tired, too.

Julia:

Totally.

Ewa:

And then you’ve got maybe one hour of free time—if you’re lucky.

And you think:

“Okay, what do I do now?”

Laundry? Clean up? Catch up on work?

Just lie down and do nothing?

Or maybe just one episode of Bridgerton, please, for God’s sake!

And then you get a message:

“Do you have ten minutes?”

And it’s like:

“Okay, let’s catch up. Let’s do some No Taboo Mom stuff.”

Julia:

Exactly.

Ewa:

And you say,

“I’ll chill tomorrow.”

But if you really think about it…

This is pure madness.

And when I think back to that conversation we had in the car, years before we had kids…

And now our kids are four, six, and four…

Julia:

We were clueless.

Ewa:

Oh my god—totally!

This whole thing is insane.

You jump on this rollercoaster, and it just keeps going.

It gets more intense, then it gets quiet, then it slaps you in the face again.

You get up, and it all starts over.

There are the worst moments—

And then this little thing looks at you and says,

“I love you, Mommy.”

And you think—

This is the most insane thing I’ve ever done.

It’s the hardest task I’ve ever had in life.

Julia:

That’s so true.

It’s the hardest task I’ve ever had in life.

And the most beautiful.

And also the hardest.

Ewa:

The most purpose-giving thing I’ve ever done.

The most purpose-giving, rewarding, and the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

The best and worst thing that’s ever happened to me—at the same time.

Julia:

So true.

Ewa:

And I don’t think you can compare it to anything else.

Julia:

No, you can’t.

It’s something that stays with you forever.

It’s not something you can give back or change.

Even if you didn’t live with your kids anymore, for some reason,

you’d still be a mom.

Ewa:

Exactly.

So—what would you say has been the most challenging part of motherhood in these past six years?

What was the hardest thing for you?

Julia:

Oof, that’s a good question.

I think I’ve said this quite a few times lately—to my husband, to friends—

That when I’m home with my family, just us, with no appointments,

no deadlines, nothing on the schedule…

Everything feels fine.

But the moment I get a message from work, or an appointment pops up,

Or someone calls and says,

“You still have to do this, this, and this…”

It adds another drop to my glass,

And then another, and another—until it just overflows.

I’m still studying, still working,

There’s always something extra to do…

And it’s not my family that makes things hard.

It’s everything around me.

That’s what makes life difficult.

Ewa:

So it’s like distraction overload?

Julia:

Exactly. So much, all at the same time.

People expect so much from you.

Sometimes I just want to be in this safe space at home.

No appointments, no phone, no Wi-Fi, no outside connection.

Just focus on one thing.

And then, I’m not stressed.

I’m not overwhelmed.

And I can actually enjoy being a mom.

Ewa:

Sometimes I feel like I lose myself—

Because I’m trying to be so bloody perfect in everything I do.

Being a mom, being a wife, working…

I try to give 100% in all of it.

And it’s just not possible.

That’s what I’m learning now—

That sometimes 60% is okay, too.

And I have to deal with that.

Because I’m a perfectionist.

If I clean—then I clean.

If I work—I work.

If I’m with my child—then I want to organize the most magical experience ever.

But sometimes, she’s just happy doing nothing.

Just being with me.

And I’m overthinking everything.

And by the end of the day, I’m so exhausted…

There’s no energy left for anything just for me.

Not even a silly cup of tea, or yoga, or just… something that makes me feel good.

That’s exactly it.

I don’t know how to balance work and family life without losing myself in the middle of it.

Staying connected to me.

Listening to my needs.

Listening to when I exaggerate, or when my body tells me—

“Okay. Stop now. It’s time for someone else to take care of you.”

Julia:

You lose so much energy being a mom.

And still, you want to put the same effort into everything else, just like before.

Ewa:

Exactly.

And that’s the realization, right?

It hits you in the face.

I just can’t have the same expectations anymore.

Julia:

True.

And by the end of the day—

We’re just exhausted.

Ewa:

If you think about it, family life and parenthood—

It’s a full-on project.

A massive one.

You’re still studying, you’re working, you’re being a mom.

And when you think about it—it’s like multitasking, but on a huge scale.

My husband feels the same way.

But I don’t think he’s as… fixed on the details as I am.

Like, he doesn’t care if everything is perfect.

He’s okay if the clothes aren’t perfectly folded or ironed or whatever.

He’s just like, “It’s fine the way it is today.”

Why do we go so crazy?

Julia:

I’m never able to finish anything.

And that’s the frustration I feel.

Before we had kids—

If I cleaned my apartment, I finished it the same day.

Now? I start something, and then suddenly—

“Mom, can you help me?”

“Mom, can we play?”

And of course, I come.

So everything ends up half done.

There’s always something left unfinished.

And it sucks.

It really sucks.

Because I see it all around me.

The laundry. The dishes.

“Oh, I meant to do that two hours ago…”

It’s not even about having everything sparkling clean.

But I just feel better when things are done.

It gives me peace.

Ewa:

I know exactly what you mean.

It’s frustrating.

There’s always something that’s only half done.

Ewa:

I remember one of the first things I noticed as a new mom—

With a tiny baby—I was breastfeeding every 30 minutes.

And Milou was one of those babies who’d vomit right after eating.

Not just spit up—a full-on projectile vomit.

So every 30 minutes, I’d breastfeed. Night and day.

And in between, I had maybe 15 minutes to do something.

So, for example—doing my nails took a week or two.

Literally. One nail here.

Then… [baby cries]

Back to her.

Next day… same thing.

I’d just give up and go to bed.

And so—nothing was ever finished.

And that went on for months.

I couldn’t check off any tasks.

No tick boxes. For like a year.

Julia:

Yes!

And now—four years later—

Okay, I can maybe do my nails in one evening.

But there are still boxes not getting ticked.

Julia:

Exactly.

You get a little more time, sure.

Because the kids can do more.

But still—So many boxes stay unticked.

And that frustration? It doesn’t go away.

It just changes shape.

Ewa:

It’s a different kind of frustration.

Because once you go back to work—Things shift again.

We were lucky in Germany to have paid maternity leave.

Which is such a big deal. And something we’ll definitely talk about soon, because it’s not a given in many countries.

Julia:

So true.

Ewa:

In Germany, you get one year of paid maternity leave.

It’s amazing—You get to stay home with your child for that first year.

But at some point, you go back to work.

And then the tasks just start piling up again.

And suddenly, you have to deal with this whole new reality—

Just like everyone else. And honestly? It’s a freaking rollercoaster.

If you had a stable life before, And you took things for granted—

Which I definitely did—Then everything shifts.

You start appreciating the little things.

Julia:

Yes!

Ewa:

Like that first time you go to the shop by yourself.

Or just being alone for 20 minutes. It feels magical.

Julia:

Even things like eating your food while it’s still warm.

That’s huge.

Ewa:

Oh, yeah.

I just started doing that like half a year ago.

It’s crazy, isn’t it?

Julia:

Because everyone else always comes first.

And I’m not blaming anyone.

Not even my husband. It’s me.

Because I make food for the kids first.

Get them something to drink.

I tell my daughter, “Drink your water!”

And then I realize—I haven’t drunk anything at all.

I take one sip—And then an hour later I’m like, “Wait… I was supposed to drink this.”

The whole day goes by,

And I realize I didn’t drink.

I didn’t eat.

Ewa:

And then you eat the leftovers.

Julia:

Exactly.

You make these cute little smiley-face sandwiches for your kids—

Cut the bread, decorate it—But you wouldn’t even bother making anything for yourself.

That’s me. Every day.

And then you’re wondering why you’re so exhausted by the end of the day.

It’s because we’re not taking care of ourselves.

It’s one more layer on top of everything else.

Ewa:

I went away for two days, like, half a year ago.

Just to have some time for myself.

It was the first time I actually left.

My husband had his mom over to help, and I went up into the mountains.

I closed myself off in this small space, and…

I didn’t know what to do with myself.

All of a sudden, my brain had all this space.

Nobody wanted anything from me.

There was no work.

No one yelling, “I’m hungry!”

Just… nothing.

Julia:

Silence?

Ewa:

Yes—pure silence.

And it was beautiful.

After those two days, with all that space—

I did yoga, went into nature, watched way too much Bridgerton,

drank some wine in the evening…

and just did nothing.

And it was amazing.

I remember sitting in my car, driving back to Valencia,

and I just thought to myself:

“Wow… it’s so nice to see that there’s someone still in me.”

I literally said that sentence out loud.

Julia:

Wow…

Ewa:

Because my voice had gotten so small.

So suppressed.

From all the noise, the needs, the cold meals…

All the things.

And then suddenly, I realized—I’m still here.

I’m still me.

It’s just that the circumstances have changed.

Julia:

That’s so powerful.

Ewa:

Yeah.

And I think that’s probably one of the most important things as a mom:

to keep checking in on yourself.

Julia:

My problem is,  I can’t always get to that point.

Sometimes I do—I have those rare moments where I’m like,

“Ah, there you are.”

But most of the time?

When I finally have a day to myself—

like when my kids are with the grandparents,

my husband’s not around—

and I have the house all to myself?

I start cleaning.

Ewa:

Oh God, I do that too.

Julia:

I don’t even have to.

But I keep myself busy.

And then I catch myself—

like, “Okay, sit down. You don’t have to do this.”

But then you end up doing something again.

It’s hard to get to that place where you’re just with yourself.

It takes time.

It’s not a switch you can just flip.

I’m talking hours. Sometimes even days—

until I finally feel that moment of, “Ah, here you are.”

Ewa:

And honestly, I don’t have a recipe yet.

Maybe some of our listeners do?

Julia:

Yes! Do you guys have a recipe?

Ewa:

Please let us know how to make this madness…

a little less mad.

Because we have no clue.

wa:

Long story short, we’ve come to the end of our first episode.

Julia:

Wow, already!

Ewa:

Turns out we were talking more about the madness of motherhood than anything else.

Yeah—so that’s what we’re going to call this one:

Madness of Motherhood.

Julia:

I love it.

Ewa:

It just fits. The love, the chaos, the exhaustion, the joy—

it’s all part of it.

Julia:

And that strange feeling of losing and finding yourself all over again.

Ewa:

Exactly. It’s a ride.

Julia:

A wild one.

Ewa:

But we’re so glad we’re on it together—

with each other, and with all of you listening.

Julia:

Thank you so much for being here.

Ewa:

Yeah, thank you for tuning in.

We really hope you felt a little seen, a little less alone.

Julia:

And if you did—subscribe, share it, message us.

Ewa:

We’d love to hear your stories too.

Julia:

We’ll be back soon with more honest conversations.

Until then… take care of yourselves.

And remember—

Ewa:

Together, we’re making change—one story at a time.

Disclaimer:

Oh wait Before you go here is our disclaimer Listen up It’s important:

The No Taboo Mom Podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only.

The views and opinions shared are personal experiences and should not be considered professional medical, psychological, or legal advice. Always consult with a qualified professional

for any concerns related to your health, well-being, or personal circumstances. The hosts and guests of this podcast are sharing their own insights and do not take responsibility for individual decisions made based on this content.

All right that’s it See you next time